


Just This Once

by dauntlesscandor



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, I swear, I'm Going To Hell For This, Oral Sex, Sex Pollen, Smut, THERE IS PLOT, please don't judge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3938500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dauntlesscandor/pseuds/dauntlesscandor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader ends up being infected with sex pollen after visiting one of Hydra's compounds. Fortunately for her, Grant Ward is there to help. Pure smut but there's some plot as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just This Once

**Author's Note:**

> So I've written that a while back and it's been on my computer ever since, just existing. I'm in a way proud of this and then again - ashamed. Since it was written a while back it might be a bit off the topic with the current events in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. so there's that. I also know that Ward is an asshole but when I've written that I guess I just didn't see it.
> 
> Well, I hope at least some of you won't call me a psycho :-)
> 
> Enjoy!

I have never felt worse in my entire life. I wished they had beaten me up, tortured me or starve... anything that didn’t involve _this_. I couldn't focus on anything despite my primary needs. I had to satisfy my desire, it was the only thing that mattered to me at that point and I hated myself for thinking that way.

I gave Simmons a pleading look. "Isn’t there anything you can do?"

"I..." she started and looked at me apologetically. "I don’t think I can help you. I mean, I can give you a sedative until the initial symptoms pass but... it would be only temporary," she stated looking at me sadly. "I'll do my best to come up with an antiserum but that will take a while and until then, you have to do whatever it takes to... you know... fulfill your needs."

"Jemma!" I basically yelled at her. _How could I do that?_ It's not something you can do yourself and I wouldn’t just go and ask someone random at the Playground... "Jemma, listen to me," I pleaded. "I need you to come up with something. I... it literally hurts when I don’t do anything about it."

"I know," she answered quietly. "And I'll do whatever it takes to help you, but... just in case I won't find the serum in time," she hesitated. "I need you to do something about it. You need to understand that if your pressure raises above two hundred, things will get very dangerous for your life."

"I get that, Jemma, but..."

"Who's on your form for this?" she asked. I froze. _No._ I knew very well who was on my file in this case and there was no way in hell I was going to him with this problem. "Is it...?"

"Yes," I cut her sentence in half since I didn’t need to hear his name. I knew very well how my body would react to it...

"Then, perhaps, you should consider..." Jemma started not meeting my eyes.

"No!" I shouted. "There is no way I am asking him for help, Simmons! I'll try to manage somehow but please work on the serum," I begged her probably giving her the puppy eyes.

"Okay, I will," she said and smiled at me sadly.

I sighed and left the lab. _What was I supposed to do?_ Go and ask everyone to help me in this very personal _matter_? I couldn’t do it, but the pain became worse and worse every second I didn’t react to it. My head instinctively turned to look at the stairs that led to the ground floor, where the only room was located.

 _His_ room.

I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. I ran down the stair and ended up in front of his door. I raised my hand preparing myself to knock and then the realization of what I was about to do hit me.

 _No, no, no,_ I told myself, _I cannot do it!_ I stepped back and sighed. What was happening to me? I knew I had feelings for him but that was low even for me. Coming there only to ask him for a _favor?_ That was me using him, even though all the time I claimed it was exactly the other way around.

When I was ready to go back upstairs, his door opened and I froze.

"(y/n)?" I heard his sleepy voice behind me. _Of course, he was sleeping you dumbass!,_ I scowled myself, _It's past 3 am!_

I swallowed hard and turned to face him. Ward's eyes were half-open but when he saw my face they widened in surprise. His dark hair was a mess, longer than usual due to the lack of any shaving equipment. Exactly because of the same reason, he grew some quite impressive stubble that was slowly approaching the size of a beard. His brown eyes were looking at me with care and worry. He was dressed in a grey T-shirt and black sweatpants. _God, he was so handsome and hot..._

"Are you okay?" he whispered scanning me from head to toe.

I nodded quickly and made a step back to leave the uncomfortable environment and go back upstairs. However he was faster and caught me by my shoulder and pulled my closer to him. His eyes looked for some injuries and I rolled my eyes. _If you only knew..._

"What happened?" he questioned, his voice now more awake yet still quite confused.

"I... nothing, I was just..." I started but then I was forced to close my eyes and tighten my jaw. The pain in my abdomen now felt like someone was stinging me with a needle repeatedly. Ward saw my expression and pulled me even closer gripping both my shoulders. When I finally opened my eyes after the wave of extreme pain passed, I saw him looking at me with so much worry...

"What’s happening?" he asked again but more insistently that time.

"I... It just really hurts," I started and then I couldn't stop myself. "and Jemma says she'll try to come up with a serum but she might not be able to find anything in time and there's just simply no one else I could go to. Besides Jemma said it should be someone that you want to do this with and now I know I can’t be here, God, if only Coulson found out... I mean, I just... I'm so sorry."

He looked at me utterly confused but then his features changed and he looked at me carefully. "Sex pollen," he asked but it was more of a statement than a question and I just nodded trying to hold off the tears coming to my eyes.

Ward saw that and instinctively pulled me into his room and closed the door behind us. "Hey, don’t cry, you'll be alright," he said with a sad smile cupping my face. I looked at him and shook my head. I didn’t cry because I was afraid or because of the pain. I cried because of the embarrassment.

"I'm disgusting," I whispered. He instantly shook his head.

"No, no, you’re not," he forced me to look into his eyes. "This _thing,_ that Hydra spreads around the SHIELD agents, that stuff is sick, I have no idea what they want to achieve. But you’re lucky. Do you know how many agents don't make it through Hydra's door back home? You’re here, safe."

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him swallowing my tears. "It hurts," I whispered the last part. His eyes met mine and I could see genuine concern in them.

He swallowed and I noticed he was wondering whether he should say whatever it was he wanted to. Finally he spoke. "How can I help?"

His words shocked me. I knew he was in love with me. He mentioned it a couple of times before but this was different. It wasn't hypothetical. It was real and I needed help. And he said he would do everything for me. It was a moment to prove this. But for me it shouldn’t happen like that. Not when I couldn’t think clearly with the poisonous drug in my veins making me want things I wasn't sure I would want in normal circumstances.

I looked at him frightened of my own answer. I knew what my heart and body wanted me to say however, the thought of my regrets the next day were bothering me extremely. "I..." I looked at him trying to put words into an accurate sentence. "I don't want to use you," I whispered looking him straight in the eyes.

He smiled sadly. "We both know very well that I want this more than anything. Besides, you need to do something to feel better," he answered quietly.

I nodded my head looking at him. His hands gripped my shoulders tighter and he started to caress them. I realized it was his reaction to seeing me shake. I didn't feel it at first but I was shivering, unable to stop. "Get me off any way you can. Any way you know," I said finally.

He nodded once and reached to take my hand in his. He brought me to his bed and helped me to lie in it. He covered me with a blanket and I pulled it up to my neck trying to prevent another waves of shivers. He lied down next to me on his side observing me carefully. "What do you want me to do first?" he asked quietly and I thought it was a silly question however I knew that this situation was serious. I tried to remain calm, but the events of that day and me lying in his bed in the middle of the night were more than my body was willing to take.

I swallowed hard feeling another wave of pain coming to me. However, this time it was different. It was a warm wave of... _pleasure._ I moved my hand under the blanket to find his and I led him to where I needed his touch the most. He understood me immediately helping me remove my panties and I gasped for air when his fingers finally touched my intimate parts. He caressed me first, and that made me realize how sensitive and wet I was down there. At that moment, I wasn't sure if it was due to my fantasies of him coming true or because of the drug circling my body.

He knew what he was doing, giving me pleasure with only gentle strokes. I could hear his heart speeding up and his breath became shallow. _Well, who would have thought he'd enjoy it as well?_ His eyes looked straight into mine and then his fingers slipped inside me making me moan with pleasure. I gripped his other arm trying to contain my voice. I didn’t need anyone to know and neither did he. Coulson would had killed me if he saw us right now. I didn’t even want to think what he'd do to Ward if he found out what he did...

My thoughts slipped away from my mind and I couldn’t focus on anything else when he started his slow movements inside of me causing my moans to become louder each second. "No one else is here on this floor," he whispered leaning closer to my ear. His sweet breath made me shiver and added to my rising climax. "And the door is basically soundproof. Coulson's idea," he explained at my confused look. _How was I even able to give him one?_ "You can be as loud as you want."

That settled it for me and I didn’t try to silence myself anymore. I was surprised it took only around half a minute for him to make me come off and scream out loud. My thoughts were a complete mess however I was quite certain that I've never experienced anything like it before. He shifted his balance onto his other hand and looked at me, questioning whether I wanted whatever he was about to do. I nodded my head quickly understanding what he had in mind. "Yes, please," I moaned and that made him laugh. I glared at him.

"I'm sorry, it's just... few days ago, you couldn't stand to look at me and now you’re begging me for _this,"_ he answered and I instantly felt like a whore.

"I'm sorry," I whispered still out of breath.

He shook his head quickly. "That is not what I meant," he said emphasizing each word to convey he truly _believed_ it. "What I meant was that I wished you were asking for it because you genuinely wanted this," he added and I noticed a glimpse of pain in his eyes. I reached to touch his cheek and nodded in understanding. I stroked his skin covered in strong stubble. He closed his eyes and leaned against my hand desperate for any kind of touch from my side.

"I also wished it happened under different circumstances," I whispered and he looked at me questioningly. I let out a quick laugh and shook my head. "What, you thought I've never dreamt of it? You must have noticed I had a crush on you," I added smiling at him and I noticed his eyes became completely dark with desire. It fueled the fire rising inside of me again. At my words he moved his head across my upper body lifting my shirt to cover me in soft kisses. His hands trailed my body skimming across my breasts teasing me. When his face was finally inches away from where I needed him most, I held my breath. I moaned momentarily when he started kissing me gently around my inner thighs. Seconds later, his mouth reached my dripping wetness and the sensation of his tongue on my oversensitive clit made me feel as if I was coming again. His tongue moved around skillfully teasing me with every move and when it slid inside me I gasped for air. "Grant..."

I could sense his reaction on his name coming from my lips. He grasped my thighs firmly with his hands and began sucking gently on my swollen clit until I came screaming his name all over again. Even after, he continued his teasing until I moved my hand to grasp his hair and begged him to stop because I became too sensitive. He licked his lips and looked at me carefully and afterwards moved up to kiss me on the lips.

_That was extraordinary._

His lips on mine, something I dreamt of for over a year. It was better than any fantasy I had. His kiss was soft and gentle but full of passion and desire. I could taste myself on his lips and that made me moan into his mouth. I slid my hand into his dark hair and tangled my fingers in it. He returned the moan from deep inside his throat and slid his tongue inside my mouth.

I still felt the effects of the sex pollen, however less intense due to having two orgasms in last couple of minutes. Ward kept kissing me but his hand reached between my legs and I moaned again. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. "(y/n), you're dripping," he whispered into my ear and somehow I found that comment offensive. I searched his eyes and furrowed my eyebrows to show my disapproval of his rude observation.

"Is it something unusual?" I breathed feeling irritated and needing more to fulfill my needs.

"No, but not _that_ much," he replied showing his amusement at my frustrated tone. Suddenly he became serious. "That means you're still not out of the drug's effects. Maybe Jemma found..."

"No," I stopped him immediately. Right at that moment, there was no way I was leaving his room in that condition. I was out of breath, 'dripping', how he gallantly referred to it and _sexually frustrated_ and utterly unsatisfied.

"I need you to take off your pants," I whispered looking into his warm brown eyes.

He opened his eyes widely giving me a look of disbelief. "I thought you'd prefer not to..."

"Yes, but I am not going out anywhere like that," I nodded at my shaking body clinging to his touch. "But if you feel uncomfortable about it..."

"No," he replied quickly. "But I don't have any..."

"It's alright," I responded and then I started to wonder if my reaction was caused by the drug or by my true nature. "We both know we're clean. SHIELD's tests every month had proven that. And I'm just out of my period, we'll be fine," I reassured him seeing his uncertain face.

"I'm not sure it's you talking," he admitted honestly touching my cheek with his fingertips. "I don't want you to do anything you could regret in a couple of hours."

I sighed. He was probably right. But I needed this. I knew the drug wouldn’t leave my system without the actual act, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I would want anyone else to... "Like you said, something needs to be done about the effects of the drug. And quite frankly, I don't think there's anyone else I'd trust with doing it," I said slowly looking for a reaction in his eyes.

He narrowed his eyes but nodded carefully and gave me an encouraging smile.

"But..." I started and his eyes focused on mine instantly. "I need you to promise me one thing," I looked at him pleadingly. He nodded automatically and waited for my demand. "Please, forget the drug and don't do it like it's an obligation or just to screw me," I answered quietly. "I need you to... I want you to..." I sighed. "Please make love to me."

If I hadn’t known any better, I’d assume that Grant Ward, SHIELD's specialist, a guy that had the second best combat score in the entire agency, just after Romanoff, was at the loss of words. He opened his mouth couple of times before he was able to say anything. "I'm not sure you know what you're asking for.”

"I do," I replied simply.

He shook his head. "You don't. Otherwise, you'd known that it can't happen without two people growing feelings for one another."

I nodded my head. "You said you loved me," I questioned him and he sighed.

"I do. What about you?"

"You’re not dumb," I responded quickly and laughed sadly. "You must have noticed I have feelings for you."

He kept looking at me processing my words. His face was full of confusion and he wasn't sure what to do. "But I will do it with love for you, I need you to know that," he said finally. "There's nothing you can do about it."

"I know," I whispered to him smiling. "If that's too much for you..."

He didn't wait for me to finish. His lips crashed against mine with lust and desire. His hand cupped my face and his thumb stroked my cheek. I moaned into his lips and deepened the kiss giving his tongue access inside my mouth. My fingers played with his hair and I wrapped my other arm around his neck pulling him closer. He moaned in return and I could feel him smile against my lips.

He broke the kiss, long enough to take off his shirt and help me remove mine. My hand involuntarily reached to his chest to feel his firm and perfectly toned muscles. His hands wandered off behind my back to unclasp my bra. After he released me off of it, he threw it across the room and continued kissing me with passion. My hands reached to his jeans trying to unzip them. I was having quite a trouble with it and it seemed to amuse him. He took them off along with his boxers.

His hand slipped to my waist and his kisses wandered off to my neck. I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the back gripping the pillow I was lying on. His lips were leaving wet and warm trails over my body until he reached my breasts. He took great care of each of them while his hands were finding spots on my body I didn't even know were erogenous. My moans turned into begs trying to make him stop the teasing, but unfortunately he took my words about _making love_ very seriously. I needed him inside of me however, I had to admit whatever he was doing was highly pleasuring.

After he was finished with leaving steamy kisses on my breasts, he moved his mouth to kiss my lips once more. I could feel him hard pressing on my entrance and my breaths became shallow. He looked at me once more wondering if I changed my mind. I nodded my head quickly and gripped his shoulders preparing myself for what was about to come. He circled his length at my entrance covering it in my juices so that it wouldn't make me so uncomfortable.

However when he entered looking me straight in the eyes awaiting my reaction, I gasped for air. Ward stopped and looked at me carefully. “Does it hurt?”

I shook my head. “It's just... well, nothing about you is particularly small,” I moaned into the crock of his neck and heard him laugh. He started to move slowly inside of me holding me in his arms tightly. I felt another wave of pleasure forming in my chest.

And then it hit me.

I understood what consequences my actions would have.

Not for everyone else, but for me. And for _him._

I was lying in a bed of the man that turned out to be a traitor. He almost killed my best friend, was partly responsible for me getting shot and was a member of Hydra. He killed people because he was told to, without questioning his orders. He did terrible, awful things...

And the things that have been done to him.

His brother abusing him, forcing him to watch his younger brother drowning in a well. His mother beating him and his siblings, and his father doing nothing about it. Garrett, the man he thought cared for him, betrayed him, forcing him to perform horror-like acts. Could Ward really be fully blamed for the way he was treated his entire life?

He had never experienced any kindness in his life, yet he gave it to me. He took care of me, he told me that even though some people might be against me, he'd always stand by my side, and despite the recent events, he was still there for me. That had never changed. He cared for me, he... _He loves me._ And I was lying in his arms right now facing the truth about my real feelings that I was trying so hard to suppress.

When I came off, all of my thoughts slipped away from my mind. He came in the exact same moment, burying his face in my hair and inhaling my smell. I placed a hand on his head stroking his hair and trying to regain my normal breathing pattern. I turned my face to the side and froze.

I saw his hand with fingers tangled in my hair and... the scar on his wrist. _If you fold a paper in a right way, it can be really sharp, you know?_ I swallowed hard and closed my eyes to prevent tears streaming down my cheeks. He wanted to end his life and what did I say? _You should've tried harder._

I gasped for air feeling the tears burning my eyes. Ward raised his head from my neck to face me. “Hey,” he said quietly wiping one of the first tears from my cheek. “What's wrong? Does it still hurt?”

I furrowed my eyes at his question. And then I remembered about the sex pollen. It completely wore off my system. There was no pain, no animalistic need for sex. But then his face got the frightened look. He swallowed hard. “Do you regret it?”

I shook my head fast and let out a small chuckle. _I am crying because I could've lost you and you think I regret making love to you?_ I smiled and kissed him wholeheartedly cupping both of his cheeks. “No, not in a million years,” I whispered and he seemed to relax.

“Then what is it?”

I removed one hand from his cheek and placed it on one of his wrists. I ran over the scar with my thumb. Ward sighed. “I said you should've done a better job,” I said quietly. “I didn't mean it, Grant. I... I had nightmares afterwards that you... succeeded. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't sleep... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry,” I was weeping and he was shaking his head.

His fingers wiped my tears away and he kissed my cheek. “It's not your fault,” he said quietly, his voice breaking seeing me cry. “There is nothing you should be sorry for. You're the reason I didn't continue doing it,” he added after a while. I looked at him confused. “You gave me hope. When I saw you in my cell, your beautiful face, your eyes... Even though you hated me, I had something to live for.”

“I never hated you,” I replied truthfully. “I wanted to... but I couldn't.”

“It's nice to hear,” he answered smiling at me. I chuckled sniffling. He kissed few last tears off my face.

Ward grabbed the sheet that was now pushed to the wall because of our _exercise._ He wrapped it around me and I realized I was all covered in sweat, now shaking when the cold air coming from the window reached my skin. He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes relishing in this sensation.

“You know I'll always be here for you, right?” he whispered looking at me. I nodded my head slowly smiling at him. I didn’t even realize when I drifted into sleep…

 

*******


End file.
